Dear 2023

I am not a writer… but I will see this through.

2023 was much like many years before it, one hell of a year. This year started in what seemed like the best place. My mindset was up much higher than it is now, not that I am expecting anything unfortunate to occur it is just more neutral than positive now.

This year started well, it was exciting and fun. I have gotten myself into a job I enjoy, with a company I can only hold in the highest respects. Yet my life at home, over time, had diminished. I ignored it of course. But loneliness seeps in. It doesn’t matter if you surround yourself with others, you can still feel alone.

Although I had people around me, I started to feel more and more alone. I had companions and friends I talked to but few that were close to me anymore. I had moved states away from any others and wouldn’t you know making friends as you get older becomes much more difficult. The few people I did talk to were off and on, and even when getting close there was never a guarantee of communication back, all things end in time.

Moving, in state, to a new place felt like it would be a fresh start… life doesn’t always go as planned though. Moving to a new place became moving back home for a month. At the time it was happening I had no clue it would be a month, I foresaw it being much longer. Long story short being back home was a mixed bag of emotions. I was glad to be back with my family, it felt as if I could get back the time I lost from being away, yet I also had to deal with family drama. Even with family drama being back helped me see that there was much I missed. Having family get-togethers, time with my grandparents, and even seeing old friends was great.

Life goes on though and I had made my decision to go back. Time after that became a blur, the loneliness feeling I had came and went but I tried to not let it take hold. The company I work for had a bunch of changes, the new home I moved into did as well. One thing after the next and the feeling of loneliness came through again. I tried to fight it and run away from it but ended up losing more when I did. So I sat with it, I have been here before, I am familiar with this, so why now of all times has loneliness seized me so? That I am still trying to answer, maybe the connection I started to make gave me a sense of hope to not be alone.

I still was. I applied myself to more things with work. The changes at work made the investment of driving in, much more bearable. Going into the office, a simple act within itself was a transformational one. I started to exercise often, keep up with myself much more, and hold myself accountable in ways I wasn’t before. It wasn’t perfect yet I enjoyed the day-to-day life I had started to create.

Just as I was settling into this new way of life, I had a trip coming up. The trip itself was not an issue, yet I had not solidified my habits outside of the day-to-day I was living… it fell apart. Slowly, I stopped exercising as much, I hadn’t been seeing the same people, and the next thing I knew I had backstepped my progress. Oh, how easy it felt to go through this the first time.

Within the year the loneliness and isolation I had brought my mental health down, and I dropped the things I loved to do. My photography took a back seat, creating YouTube videos took a back seat, and going out to do things regardless of if anyone was with me, also took a back seat.

2023 you gave me many moments that I will never forget, connections with people I never knew I could find, love, and enjoyment as well. 2023 you gave me many memories and had plenty of difficulties.

I have never been one to set resolutions, and I do not intend to now, but I will say, that the enjoyments and the difficulties from last year defined the year, not me. I can continue to work on myself, set goals for myself, and do more for myself in this new year. I will not be held back by that of who I was and will continue on a path of growth.

Dear 2023, Thank you and Goodbye.